Beach Side Beds and Sandy Paths Page 4

  I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I feel like I might’ve been using Lex just now. Yeah, she was the one who started it, but all I could think about was how she’s a good eraser. She deserves way better. She deserves to be touched like that because I love her. Not because I want to forget.

  Maybe I should’ve stopped her.

  No, wait. She wanted it. I wanted it. We love each other, and it’s not like I didn’t enjoy it. It was perfect for us right now. For a few minutes, I felt better. Felt incredible. There was nothing but me and Lex and our love.

  It wasn’t wrong.

  Then why do I feel guilty as hell?

  Chapter 6

  Lexie

  It’s a door. A boring white door that could use a pick me up, like some of my ‘Pink Before You Leap’ nail color, but nonetheless it’s a door. So why is the thought of walking through it the most terrifying thing ever?

  “What are you waiting for? Come on.” Kaylee bounces in front of me, grabs my arm and pushes the door open. She glides right on in while I’m bug-eyed and red-eared behind her. So much for trying to blend in.

  The door slams shut, trapping us in a tiny check-in area. My heart races and my hand shoots to the ring on my finger.

  Twist. Twist. Twist.

  I look at the ring Ryan gave me. I never thought I’d take off the one from my father but with Ryan I don’t need to wait for a man to remember he once loved me. Because I have one who does.

  The brown amber stone is the closest thing to Ryan’s eyes, and it’s the comfort I’m looking for.

  I’m doing this for me. For him. For us.

  “Can I help you?” The portly woman with teased hair behind the sliding glass window asks.

  I open my mouth to speak, but before I can even get a sound out Kaylee pushes through. Blond pigtails swirl around as she hitches a thumb in my direction. “She’s ready to have sex, but doesn’t want to get knocked up.”

  No words come out, but tons of sounds do. My cheeks are spewing lava. I think my eyes just rolled out of their sockets and into the waiting room.

  “Have you been here before?” the woman asks.

  “Nope. She’s a virgin in that category too,” Kaylee announces.

  I give Kaylee a nice butt bump and get her out of the way.

  The woman hands me a clipboard with a stack of papers. She points to the top with a red acrylic nail. “Fill out the first page, read and sign the second. Fill out the third page. Do you have insurance?”

  I shake my head.

  “Okay, then fill out the fourth page and then sign the fifth. You can go sit in the waiting room, and when you’re finished bring it right back up.”

  The waiting room is scary—worse than the itty bitty claustrophobic check-in area. At least in there, it was just me and Kaylee. There are tons of people in here. Okay maybe not tons. I see six pairs of shoes. I’m too embarrassed to look up. What if I know one of the faces? How humiliating would that be! I guess not so much since they’d be here for the same thing or even worse. STD anyone? But still, talk about awkward.

  “There’re two free seats over here, bestie!” Kaylee yells across the room, and I swear she’s using a megaphone.

  I’m beginning to think bringing her was a bad idea. Ryan would have held my hand, let me hide my head against his chest, but Pop-pop forced him to go fishing with his brother. Ryan doesn’t even like to fish. He doesn’t eat them, so he’s basically killing them for fun. Killing fish is not his idea of fun. And dealing with his long lost brother… not really a walk in the park either. Besides, I didn’t exactly tell him I decided to go on the pill.

  I make my way to Kaylee, head down doing my best to avoid eye contact with the other six people. The chair is hard as if this whole situation wasn’t uncomfortable enough. Kaylee butt shimmies while I just accept the hardness.

  First page, first question. Name. Easy enough. Alexis Boggs. Second. Address. Why do they need my address? Are they going to mail me something? What would they mail? I don’t want my mom to know I’m here. Or came here. Ever.

  “Why aren’t you writing?” Kaylee taps the paper with her nail she just painted with my On The Same Page nail color.

  I turn my head into my shoulder. “Why do they want my address?”

  “For their files. Don’t worry, they won’t mail you anything. Look.” She points to the next line.

  How would you like us to notify you? An addressed envelope with all information? A blank envelope with all information inside? A blank envelope with a piece of paper with a star? If you receive the star, you should contact the office immediately.

  “See. Even if they send you something in the mail, and your mom opens it, she’ll have no idea what the star is.”

  “Why would they send me anything?”

  “If you have an STD or cancer.”

  Cancer? “What?”

  “You should see your face right now. Seriously wish I had a camera. Lex, just fill out the paperwork. It seems really scary, but it’s not. Trust me.” She takes my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. Kaylee might be loud and cheery and embarrassing, but she’s the best friend I got. The greatest.

  Her squeeze is exactly what I need. I finish filling out the paperwork and bring it back up to the lady at the window. On my way back to my chair, I even look at the people in the waiting room.

  A girl about my age, who I don’t know, thank God, is fidgeting with her hands. Another girl is resting her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder. A pregnant teen sits with her mom across from Kaylee, and a boy sits alone slouched in his seat, head resting on his palms while his fingers tap his face.

  All are completely different, but have one thing in common. They all look as scared as I feel. It’s a little reassuring. As if, even though I don’t know these people, we’re in this together.

  The door swings open, and I brace for them to call my name, but instead a girl walks out and with a big smile, shakes her head at the boy. His shoulders slump in relief, and he jumps up, taking her into his arms.

  Considering they looked not a day over sixteen, I’m assuming she’s not pregnant.

  “So how’s Ryan handling the brother thing?”

  I snap my attention back to Kaylee. “Okay I guess. He hasn’t really said much about it. Not that I haven’t tried getting it out of him. I wish he’d just talk to me.”

  Kaylee pats my knee. “It’s a lot to take in. He’ll talk when he’s ready.”

  “I hope so. We’ve always told each other everything, and the fact he didn’t come to me…” I look down at my nails. “It just bothers me.”

  She puts her arm around mine and pulls me close. “Just give him time.” I rest my head on her shoulder, and she kisses my hair. “It’ll be okay. You guys are meant for each other. Besides once he gets a piece of you, that boy will never leave.”

  I slap her arm, and we both laugh. The laughing stops when the door swings open again and the nurse steps in. “Alexis?”

  “Good luck.” Kaylee winks at me. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

  The nurse gives me a smile as I slowly make my way through the door. “Do you have to use the bathroom before we get started?”

  That’s a weird question. Maybe I should go. Why else would she be asking me? Maybe this is going to take a while.

  “Yeah, that’d be good.”

  “The bathroom is down the hall on the right. When you’re finished, go right into this room.” She points to the door behind her. I peek in and see overhead cabinets, a sink and an examining table with paper on it. Just like a normal doctor’s office. No biggie. I can do this.

  I go to the bathroom, making sure not to touch anything. If people come here with STDs, I don’t want to catch anything. I finish up and head to the room the nurse pointed out.

  Posters of body parts hang on the walls. Pamphlets about Chlamydia and AIDS are pinned to a bulletin board in front of the table. Just what I want to look at.

  I turn only to be staring at an enlarged�
��at least I hope it’s enlarged—picture of the inner workings of a penis. What is—?

  “Alexis,” the nurse says as she enters. “I’m going to take your blood pressure. Ask you some questions, and then we’ll get started.”

  “Okay.”

  She wraps the blood pressure thingy around my arm and starts pumping. “Blood pressure is good. Now deep breath,” she says as she puts the cold round thing on my back.

  “When was your last period?”

  “Uh…Two weeks ago.”

  “You’re here for pills today. Are you currently sexually active?”

  No let’s get to know you better? Just right to the point, huh?

  “No. Not currently.”

  “But you’re planning on it.”

  This is kind of personal. Does she really need to know this stuff?

  “Yes,” I mumble.

  “Have you been previously sexually active?”

  “No.”

  “Would you like to discuss other options? Condoms? Diaphragm? Abstinence?”

  “No. I’m good.” If I have questions, I’ll just ask Kaylee. I’m sure she bled these people dry with questions the first time she was here.

  “Good. Now if you’ll go ahead and get undressed from the waist down, then put this around you.” She holds up what looks like a big piece of folded paper. “And if you can just unhook your bra.”

  Kaylee so did not fill me in on this. “O-Okay,” I stutter.

  “The doctor will be in shortly.” The nurse leaves, and I unbutton my jeans. How do I know no one is going to walk in on me? I pull the curtain around and hide behind it as I step out of my underwear. I take the oversized piece of folded paper and wrap it around my waist and quickly get on the table.

  The paper on the table crunches as I sit, and I lean from cheek to cheek to keep it from sticking.

  Oh bra. Duh. I reach up and unsnap the hooks, and I wait. And wait. And wait. Is that penis getting bigger? Ten hours have passed. At least. Where the heck is this doctor? Does she know I’m sitting in here? Maybe I should just peek my head out and remind them I’m here.

  My luck, the dang paper will fall off and I’ll be flashing the whole office. I’ll just wait. And wait. And wait.

  I don’t really need pills. There are other options so I don’t have to be here. I’m sure Ryan has condoms. I mean it’s not being super, extra careful, but how many people have gotten pregnant from a condom malfunction? We’ll be okay.

  The waiting is killing me. I’m leaving. I go to stand when there is a knock at the door and then the doctor steps in. Not like she is fashionably late. You can’t do much with a white coat and white pants, but her nails are so blah. But I guess she is sacrificing color for being sterile.

  “Alexis. I’m Dr. Bradford.”

  “Hi,” I say with an awkward wave.

  “I’m so sorry for the wait. I was held up with another patient, and our other doctor has the flu, so it’s been a nightmare. But that’s no excuse. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

  “I’m ready to get this over with.”

  “I’m going to try to make this as comfortable as possible. If you can just lie back on the table, we can get started and get you out of here in a jiffy.”

  I do as she says. And before I know it her hand is up my shirt feeling me up. It was only a couple months ago I let Ryan slide into this base, and she just jumps right on in. I feel like she should’ve bought me dinner first.

  “You should be doing self checks. Just start at the center and go around. You are looking for any sort of lump. Even the size of a pea.” She moves to the next before pulling her hands out and walks back to the counter. “If you can put your legs into the stirrups.” I slide down and place my feet in them . “Now I’m going to lubricate this up so it slides in easily.” She holds up a metal contraption.

  Slides in easily? Where the heck does she plan on putting it?

  “Once in”—she slides over on a chair in front of my open legs—“you will feel some pressure. This just makes it easier for me to make sure everything is okay. If you can just spread your legs.”

  “Wait that’s going in where?”

  ***

  An hour later I pull up to my house and get out of the car, legs spread apart since I’m pretty sure Dr. Bradford used an entire tube of lube, and it’s now sitting in my underwear.

  The faster I get out of these things the better. I waddle down the hall. The bathroom door is shut, water running. I give Mom credit. She’s trying to pretend everything is okay. But she’s not. The withdrawals are killing her. The reason why she relapsed, twice, but the second time it was only for a week. Roger pulled her out of it both times. That first day I walked into my living room and saw him I wanted nothing to do with him. But that day, when he came to help her, I jumped into his arms and cried.

  I knock. It’s obvious she doesn’t want me to know, but I won’t let her go through this alone.

  I won’t. Gooey undies and all.

  I look at my Pink Before You Leap as if my nail polish will give me the strength I need to see what’s on the other side of the door. What is my issue with doors today?

  “Mom?” I say and knock again as I ease the door open.

  “Just a minute,” she says, grabbing a towel to wipe her mouth. It’s too late. The contents in the toilet stare back at me.

  Her cheeks redden, though I don’t know why she’s embarrassed. Doesn’t she remember puking all over my purse a couple months ago? At least now she has the sense to go to the toilet.

  “You don’t have to do this alone you know.” I reach down and try not to cringe at the yuckiness I feel.

  “Do what? I…I’m. I was just cleaning the toilet.” She runs her fingers through her newly blond bob. Her You Only Live Twice nail is chipped. I’ll have to fix that later. “It can never be clean enough.”

  “Why won’t you let me help you?”

  “It’s just a toilet, Lexie. I got it,” she snaps.

  “I’m not talking about the toilet, Mom. I’m talking about you. And how these withdrawals are kicking your butt. I hear you throwing up in here. And see your hands shaking. You told me it wasn’t bad anymore. But it is. Why don’t you want me to help you?”

  Her arms cross over her chest, and now that she got sober they are covered by more than enough material. Somehow getting sober turned her off of the Trashy Barbie look. She turns away from me, a tear falling down the side of her cheek.

  “Don’t you think you helped me enough?”

  She doesn’t need to elaborate. All the times I picked her up from in between the garbage pails. All the times I changed her out of her vomit-stained clothes. All the times I listened to her belittle me and tell me I wasn’t good enough.

  Maybe I did help her enough. She did put me through hell, sending me to a dark place time and time again, and without Ryan, I don’t think I would ever have come out. But I did. He was there for me. Through thick, thin, sticky and…gooey. He never gave up on me. Because when it comes to the ones you love, you just don’t.

  I look into Mom’s bloodshot blue eyes. “No.”

  At first she looks stunned like I slapped her, which I never would, even though I’ve been tempted at times. Then her lip quirks up in that special way, and before I can give the big, long speech I have planned out in my head about all the reasons why, her arms engulf me.

  “How’d I get so lucky?” she whispers into my hair, voice thickened by tears.

  “I think you said something about a fifth of Jack and a backseat.”

  Mom’s hands slide down my arms, and she pushes me away from her. “I told you that?”

  “Several times actually.”

  She smacks her hand over her face and peers at me through parted fingers. Unsure of how to proceed, I shrug, and when her contagious laugh spills from her lips, I can’t help but to laugh too.

  Seventeen years she’s been my mother, yet the fifth of Jack she consumed the night I was conceived is one of the few
things she can actually remember. We have a lot to catch up on.

  “You working tonight?”

  “Nope. Roger told me a night off would be beneficial.”

  “Are you going out with him?”

  “No!” Mom fidgeted with her hands. “I mean of course not.”

  “Good. Get cleaned up. I’m taking you out.” As soon as I change my underwear.

  Chapter 7

  Ryan

  I’m sending my grandparents to the crazy house. They’ve gone completely senile. Or they’ve gotten to the point in their life when they just don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks, because they’re old now and they’ll be dead soon.

  Only they’re not that old. They should care about their vegetarian grandson being subjected to fishing with his dumbass half-brother. “You can bond over the experience!” Hell. Give us a set of boxing gloves instead. We can bond that way.

  I’ve spent the whole time on my phone texting Nate. Brett sits next to Pop-pop in the boat asking him questions about his “younger years” and giving me looks that say he doesn’t give a crap about my grandparents, and he’s just doing it to bug the shit out of me.

  I move to the other end of the boat and face the muddy water. My fishing line hangs over the edge and I don’t touch it. I pull my feet up on the rail and clack the keyboard on my phone.

  Me: How many beds are there in this beach house again? Can’t remember

  Nate: 5 bedrooms. Nick’s claimed the master, but there are three others with attached bathrooms. We all get our own crapper. *wahoo*

  Me: Room for all of us then, yeah?

  Nate: You’re sharing w/Lexie, right?

  Me: Hope so. I just want Brett as far away from me and her as possible

  Nate: Oh, right. Sry man. But there’s a bunch of stuff to keep us entertained. Don’t let him mess up our spring break, baby!

  Brett and Pop-pop’s laughter float across the boat and I shift my position in my chair. Maybe I’ll dive off this thing and hike up the mountain. There’s a shitload of trees right in front of me, so if they follow, I’ll take cover behind a shrub.